


I'm Sorry

by purgat0rypals



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, M/M, More Sad Anakin, Self-Harm, hurt/angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5315513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgat0rypals/pseuds/purgat0rypals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>A tear slides down his cheek and his voice is tight as he whispers, "I'm sorry."<br/>Anakin meets Obi Wan's eyes as tears run down his face and his thoughts echo into the Force.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> this can be read on it's own or as a sequel to I'm Trying

Anakin doesn't smile that much anymore. As the war drags on and worsens each day, so does he. If Obi Wan is being honest, it scares him more than anything. He's almost forgotten the deep, throaty chuckle that rumbles in Anakin's chest, or the way his lips curl when he grins.

He tries to help his former padawan-- he really does. He lays with him and offers his touch and comfort to Anakin to help him get through his bad days. But the amount of those days have started to increase rapidly and the pain never seems to leave the calm blue of his partner's eyes anymore. He's not sure what to do.

When he finds Anakin with a blade in his hand and blood on his arms, he's _really_ not sure what to do.

He cuts the end of the last strip of medical tape with a sigh as he presses it gently against the flesh of Anakin's arm to hold down the gauze. The younger man sits, his head turned away from Obi Wan in shame.

"Anakin," his voice is soft as his fingers linger on his skin. He tries to say something, _anything_ , but he can't seem to form the right words.

A tear slides down his cheek and his voice is tight as he whispers, "I'm sorry."

Anakin meets Obi Wan's eyes as tears run down his face and his thoughts echo into the Force.

_'I've failed you.'_

Obi Wan steps in between Anakin's legs as he reaches up to hold either side of his face in his warm hands, "You have done everything but fail me, Anakin."

He leans his face against Obi Wan's hands as he closes his eyes. Obi Wan feels the numbing sadness radiating around them and he is almost afraid to ask his friend what he needs to know.

"How long have you been hurting yourself?"

Anakin chokes down a sob as he squeezes his eyes shut tighter, "Not long enough."

Obi Wan feels his heart sink as he watches Anakin begin to choke and hiccup over his sobs. He doesn't entirely realize what's happening until he's hugging Anakin fiercely, his hands digging into the cloth on the other man's back. Obi Wan feels him press his face against his neck as Anakin's arms wrap around his torso and lock behind his back.

Obi Wan feels the hot stinging of his own tears prick at his eyes as they begin to form and drip down his cheeks. He can feel the words forming in his mouth as he bites his tongue. They are harsh and blunt and he cannot bring himself to give the words life against his lips.

What he cannot say aloud, he says in their bond.

_'Anakin, I love you. Anakin, you are my reason for fighting. Anakin, I cannot do this without you. Anakin, please don't give up.'_

Obi Wan feels Anakin lurch against him as he sobs even harder. Everything about it is rough and desperate and laced with a thick layer of pain and sorrow.

_'How can you possibly love me if I hate myself this much?'_

He feels Anakin's hands curl into his back, leaving desperate marks where his fingers dig against his skin. Obi Wan leans back slowly, his hands returning to cradle his face as he meets the soft blue of Anakin's eyes. He looks up at Obi Wan, his gaze filled with pain and sadness as his lips tremble and tears stain his face.

His mouth goes dry and he doesn't know what to say so he leans forward and presses his lips desperately against Anakin's instead. It's filled with agony and misery as they move against each other, tasting salt on their rough lips.

He doesn't know what's going to happen from here. He doesn't know if Anakin will start to get better, or if he'll keep getting worse. He's not sure how to help his old padawan anymore. All he knows is that he loves Anakin so much it makes his chest ache and his body numb. He doesn't know what their future will bring, but he knows he will always be here-- right at Anakin's side-- until the very end. 


End file.
